Parents Are Hard To Raise S02 E67 Transcripts
Lipstick Bodyguard: [00:00:00] The world is becoming a dangerous place for us women. Lipstick bodyguard looks just like an innocent little lipstick but it’ll instantly drop any attacker to his knees so you can get away unharmed. Lipstick bodyguard fear no evil. Get yours today only at lipstickbodyguard.com.
Announcer: [00:00:37] With all the new threats to our personal safety keeping our aging parents safe in today’s world can seem overwhelming. This week on parents are hard to raise, our favorite personal security expert, Anthony Colandro brings his unique brand of wisdom to bear on some very interesting listener e-mail questions.
Diane: [00:01:10] Welcome to Parents Are Hard to Raise… Helping families grow older together without losing their minds. I’m Eldercare Expert Diane Berardi.
[00:01:19] Longtime listeners will recognize this week’s guest expert as the guy who helps keep our parents and us safer, with this unique brand of wit and wisdom. Anthony Colandro is a nationally recognized personal security expert who has spent most of his adult life helping others to protect their most valuable assets, meaning, themselves and their loved ones. He’s a frequent guest expert on national radio and television programs, a much valued resource of this program and of our parents are hard to raise family. I’m forever asking for his advice for clients and for our listeners. He and his dog Winston are here in the studio with us today. Anthony… Welcome Back to Parents Are Hard To Raise.
Anthony Colandro: [00:01:58] Hey, Di. How are you today?
Diane: [00:01:59] Good. How are you?
Anthony Colandro: [00:02:01] Good. So, What do you want me to do?
Diane: [00:02:03] So, I have a question for you.
Anthony Colandro: [00:02:05] Go ahead.
Diane: [00:02:07] On a previous show, we had been talking to Dr. Gianni Pirelli. And I was talking to him about when a relative starts to maybe make decisions that we feel aren’t how they usually act or their behavior has caused us to question whether they can live independently or drive or whatever. And we have concerns… We get calls with concerns about, you know, my dad has a gun, he’s been a hunter all his life. But now, I’m a little nervous about him having the gun in the home. What do we do? How do we get him maybe to give up his guns?
Anthony Colandro: [00:02:52] You know I’ve been in the industry since 1992 and I could share 10,000 stories… Positive, negative and indifferent of this exact scenario, where someone is… You know, their mental capacity is dwindling or physical capacity, or they pass away suddenly and the family is left with these guns and they don’t know if they’re loaded or unloaded. They don’t know what the value is. They don’t know what the proper legal channels are. And for disclaimer before we talk further. Every state is different. I’m versed pretty well in New Jersey law. I’m not a lawyer though. But every state is different, so you have to check out your local and state laws.
[00:03:33] The NRA Institute for Legislative Action NRA-ILA website has the firearms laws and what the laws are for transferring of firearms, bequeathing firearms from a loved one. So please I encourage everybody to check that out.
[00:03:47] But, 31 percent of all firearms accidents are due to the fact that a gun was improperly locked or secured. So now you have, let’s say you how grandpa, and he started to lose it a little bit. You have to worry about home health aides coming in the house stealing guns. You have to worry about maybe the cleaning service, the local mechanic comes in to fix the boiler and they find the gun in a basement, and now dad might not remember even missing.
Diane: [00:04:11] Right.
Anthony Colandro: [00:04:12] So once… You need to take action. It’s hard it’s like taking an older persons car keys away. They’re going to fight you, right. But you have to say, Dad or Mom, this is for our safety, for your safety. Can we get an inventory of your firearms? You know what the approximate value is?
[00:04:28] You’ve gotta be careful. Also. Because they could have some war relics that, under today’s laws, could be considered assault rifles.
[00:04:37] In New Jersey, if they ever World War One trench knife, which is basically a knife with brass knuckles on it, in New Jersey, it’s a felony to possess a trench knife.
Diane: [00:04:45] Really?
[00:04:47] You know, we get kids and we get spouses that bring stuff in that, you know, people come in and say my dad passed away, we don’t know what these are worth. Sometimes the guns are loaded. Because they’re afraid of them. We’ve got the people’s houses… So the first thing you could do is you could put child safety locks… You can get them for free at any police station. The National Shooting Sports Foundation has this thing called Project Child Safe, but is it’s to make safe guns. You can go to any police department the firearms unit, or a clerk, and ask for gun locks. You don’t have to buy them.
[00:05:23] So guns should be locked up. Ammo needs to be secured.
[00:05:26] You know, Grandpa might have been a reloader. You might have 10 or 20 pounds of powder in the House… Reloading powder, presses. You might have lead. You might have furnaces that they used to melt the lead. There’s a lot of old school stuff out there. I’ve seen in garage sales.
[00:05:42] But you have to have a talk with the family with the older person and say, we want to categorize them. Maybe they, you know, like in New Jersey as long as mom or dad write in their Will that they’re going to leave you their guns, you can inherit those guns. As long as you’re legally capable of possessing them. You don’t need to fill out any paperwork or anything. But there has to be a paperwork trail, for that.
[00:06:04] So every state is going to be different. Some states can’t just take their guns. But what will happen is, if they pass, some people call the cops and cops come and take them, and the guns are never be seen again. And there might be stuff that was worth a lot. That’s the other thing.
[00:06:20] You can pump it up when you’re talking to grandpa or grandma and say, you know, these were your guns for a long time and grandson Billy might them, so he should know the history behind them, Dad. Can we catalog these guns? When did you buy it? What did you use it for? How much did you pay? Is it a war relic? Pump the person up. So, in a covert manner you’re going to get them to spill the beans. If you go up and say, Dad, in case you die, we want to know about your guns and what they’re worth. You’re going to meet with resistance, but if you talk about carrying on the family tradition… We want to know the history. Tell us about these guns. Do you have the internet? I’ll search for you mom or dad.
[00:06:59] Get all of the info. Find out if they have anything hidden. You’d be surprised. People find little Deringers in shoes.
Diane: [00:07:06] I was gonna say that…yes. Closets. You find things… so, now what do you do with them?
Anthony Colandro: [00:07:06] Correct. So you have to assume… All of our listeners here, you have to assume every firearms loaded. Your finger stays off the trigger. And you keep the gun pointed in safe direction.
[00:07:21] What you can do is, there’s reputable gun dealers out there. You could call a gun store and say, listen, I found something… Would you guys come? And most will do it. Because they’ll want to make an offer to buy it,too.
[00:07:34] And today with the Internet, you really can’t get ripped off. Unless you’re really naive. Because you can identify what the firearm is. And you can google it. And you can get an approximate price and what it’s worth. So it’s not like a gun store is going to come ans say, oh yeah it’s a junk I’ll give you $10 for it. They know. They’ll show you what the blue book of gun values are.
[00:07:55] But somebody can come in and make it (the gun) safe. Or, if you have a family member who’s versed in firearms. You know, you have an uncle Ralph that goes hunting and he owns a bunch of guns and he goes to the range all the time. Call him up, you know and make it safe.
[00:08:07] You can also covertly, if the mental capacity is diminishing, you can start removing accessories like powder, ammunition, reloading supplies, anything that is explosive or flammable. You know if they’re not doing it any more, if gramps hasn’t reloaded in 45 years, you can start doing a little spring cleaning and get rid of all that stuff. And most hazardous material like that will be taken by the fire department.
[00:08:36] They also have hazardous pickups, hazardous drop off points, where they’ll do stuff like that. But you can contact your local administrator in your town and say, when are they doing a hazardous pickup? You know, that’s when they usually pick up batteries and stuff. And most of them will take ammunition, they’ll take powder, they’ll take primers. So that’s another thing you have to do.
[00:09:00] But, I’m always concerned that the guns getting stolen. You know, I’m always concerned of the gun getting stolen. So it would be behoove you to secure them. So again when you’re going over everything with the only person you can have them show you how to make them clear. Then after you pull them away you control locks on them. You can inventory. I recommend taking pictures of everything that you have. A closeup of the serial numbers. Make a little Folder on your icloud or phone.
[00:09:28] These are little things to worry about. You know, if someone’s becoming detached from reality, they could end up hurting themselves or someone else.
Diane: [00:09:36] Exactly. We never thought of the elderly… We think of them as someone who is going to hurt someone, but it’s just… Even when we were talking Dr. Pirelli we’re dealing with things that we’ve never dealt with before, because people are living longer. And so these are just things that come up. And going into someone’s home, dealing with nurses, dealing with visiting physicians,.
Anthony Colandro: [00:10:05] Visiting grandchildren.
Diane: [00:10:06] Right. I mean, people going into homes and, these are all things now… You know, questions we have to ask, “Is there a gun in the home?” Sometimes people don’t know. Don’t remember. There’s wives that don’t know…
Anthony Colandro: [00:10:23] Correct. Oh, you know, we get it all the time. My Husband passed away. I’ve never gone to the range. I don’t know what he has. Charlie and I we’ve gone over people’s houses. And we’ve opened the lockers, amd go, “oh my God. The guy has 60 guns and he has all of this stuff.
[00:10:34] But another approach would be to say Grandma, Grandpa listen, the grandchildren come over and they’re inquisitive and they’re searching around and stuff. So if there’s anything that you can remember, can we secure it? You know.
[00:10:49] So it’s kind of good to address when they’re younger. And again, using that angle that we’re collecting family history is much better than, “Dad, cataloging this so when you go off the deep end, we can take it all.
Diane: [00:11:00] Right. Exactly.
Anthony Colandro: [00:11:03] Probably not going to work well. Or, in case you have a sudden death… You can’t do that, obviously. So, I would approach it that way.
[00:11:16] And you’d be surprised, we get a lot of World War II and Korean War stuff that comes in to be identified. And to be honest with you, for all of your listeners… The chances of you finding a single Army Colt that’s worth a million dollars is like getting hit by lightning. Most guns are worth a few hundred to a few thousand dollars.
Diane: [00:11:38] And we’ll be back with Anthony Colandro, after the break.
Lipstick Bodyguard: [00:11:46] I Want to tell you about my friend Katie. Katie is a nurse and she was attacked on her way home from work. She was totally taken by surprise. And although Katie is only 5 feet tall and 106 pounds she was easily able to drop her 6 foot 4, 250 pound attacker to his knees and get away unharmed. Katie wasn’t just lucky that day. She was prepared. In her pocketbook. A harmless looking lipstick, which really contained a powerful man stopping aerosol propellant.
[00:12:16] It’s not like it was in our grandmother’s day. Today just going to and from work or to the mall can have tragic consequences. The FBI says aviolent crime is committed every 15 seconds in the United States. And a forcible rape happens every five minutes. And chances are when something happens, no one will be around to help.
[00:12:36] It looks just like a lipstick. So no one will suspect a thing. Which is important since experts say, getting the jump on your attacker is all about the element of surprise.
[00:12:47] Inside this innocent looking lipstick is the same powerful stuff used by police and the military to disarm even the most powerful armed aggressor. In fact, National Park rangers used the very same formula that’s inside this little lipstick to stop two-thousand pound vicious grizzly bears dead in their tracks. It’s like carrying a personal bodyguard with you in your purse or your pocket.
[00:13:11] Darkness brings danger. Murderers and rapists use darkness to their advantage. We all know what it’s like to be walking at night and hear footsteps coming at us from behind. Who’s there? If it’s somebody bad, will you be protected? Your life may depend on it.
[00:13:29] My friend Katie’s close call needs to be a wake up call for all of us. Myself included. Pick up a lipstick bodyguard and keep it with you always.
Announcer: [00:13:45] You’re listening to Parents Are Hard to Raise… Now, thanks to you…the Number one eldercare talkshow on planet earth.
[00:13:54] Listen to this and other episodes on iTunes. Google Play and on demand using the iHeart Radio app.
Diane: [00:14:06] I just want to read a listener’s e-mail… From Dr. Chloe, from Queensland Australia.
[00:14:11] I’m always encouraging people to email us with questions etc. And this email I got… And it just brought tears to my eyes, because doing this show, I’m always saying I get guests that I think will be helpful for you. And topics we talk about. And I want to make sure that I’m giving you information that is helpful. It it makes you feel good. It maybe makes your parents feel good. Whatever I can do. And sometimes I’m like…”I hope I’m doing that. I hope you guys are getting something out of it.” And this is really encouraging.
[00:14:50] “DEAR DIANE… I absolutely love your show. I am a British GP now living and working in Australia with the RFDS the Royal Flying Doctor Service.
[00:15:00] Mum and Dad are nine thousand miles away and always on my mind. Both are in their 80s and in relative good health, but as an only child I’m often torn between my life and career here in Australia and my family back home.
[00:15:13] The information you share every week helps to ease the burden of long distance caregiving and helps to put my mind at ease. I’ve shared your show with many colleagues here and back in England. I especially enjoy the topic of harmonica therapy for pulmonary rehabilitation, which I shared with a friend whom is the respiratory medicine doctor in Edinburgh.
[00:15:35] I have even got Mum Listening to your show. Can you believe it? She especially enjoys hearing stories from your mom and dad.”
[00:15:43] They’ll be happy to hear that.
[00:15:45] “Keep up the great work. We certainly need it out here. Thank you so much.”
[00:15:49] I just want to share that with our listeners. That is really encouraging for me and I’m sure for our listeners.
[00:15:56] So I’m back with Anthony Colandro. He’s a nationally recognized personal security expert. And we were talking about guns and what to do if mom or dad has a gun, and they’re maybe in the beginnings of dementia or something else.
[00:16:18] Now Anthony. What I wanted to talk about is… I know we’re talking in the US and you’re here in New Jersey. But, we have listeners from all over the world. I’m sure it’s different.
Anthony Colandro: [00:16:30] It is in fact completely different. In the United States, it’s a completely different state to state. So, since I’m not versed in foreign countries, everybody who’s listening to show in Queensland, in the UK, they can consult with their local police or Carabinieri or constables. Whoever is the local law enforcement, they should reach out to them, to get the information on what to do. And that’s a smart thing to do before someone passes away, actually. Research the laws, whether it’s the internet or legal search or ask a lawyer friend, and find out before something happens. Because they might own something that is considered contraband, today. You know, grandpa might have been a rebel, “I’m not turning this thing in,” that they banned in Australia 26 years ago. And then he passes 10 years from now and now Jounior takes it home and they’re a felon… By possession.
Diane: [00:17:28] You don’t realise these things.
Anthony Colandro: [00:17:30] Correct. It happens all the time. So…People need to be careful. For everybody that is in a different country. Find out what the local and government laws are and make sure you adhear to them.
Diane: [00:17:39] Okay.
[00:17:41] I had an interesting conversation the other day with someone who… His uncle passed away. And he said, “Oh, I have to go to his safety deposit box. You know, I know he has some guns in there… at the bank. And this fellow was in New Jersey. And I said to him, “I don’t think you can do that. I don’t think you can, you know, just go into the bank and take the guns and just bring them… Put them in your car and drive home.”.
[00:18:09] “Well why not? He said. “They’re in a safety deposit box. The bank must know.”
[00:18:14] I said, “I don’t know that the bank even know that there’s guns in a safety deposit box.” I said, “You’d better check with an attorney. I said, “you could wind up in jail if you get stopped. I’m pretty sure you can’t do that.
[00:18:26] “Oh, I Don’t think so. I would just put them in a gym bag.”.
[00:18:30] And I go… “But what if you got stopped?”
[00:18:30] So, Anthony. In a situation like that, just for our listeners to know these things…
Anthony Colandro: [00:18:37] Every state, Every country is going to be different. In New Jersey, if those guns were not bequeathed to him it would be a felony for him to pick those handguns up and drive them out of there. It’s a Class 3 felony, which would be three to five years in prison and up to a 150,000 dollar fine.
[00:18:54] If those guns were not legally left to him, or if he was not the legal heir, he would have to call law enforcement to come and remove those firearms. And then he could always petition to try to get them transferred to him, but I’m not sure that he’d probably ever get them back.
[00:19:10] All right. See? That’s why these things need to be addressed ahead of time.
Diane: [00:19:14] Yeah. Like Everything else with our parents.
[00:19:17] So now… If they were left to him, I guess… could he go to the bank and…
Anthony Colandro: [00:19:24] Yes. Make them safe, and then transfer them home.
Diane: [00:19:28] He can drive them home?
[00:19:33] Yes. Legally Possessing them. If there was something in writing that his uncle left them to him. Otherwise, in New Jersey, you can’t…
[00:19:41] If your husband says to you, take my gun to the range to shoot, in New Jersey, a handgun, that is a felony. You can’t transport your husband’s handgun. You can transport long guns but not handguns.
[00:19:54] And again, every state is different… Don’t know what the different state laws are. But, yeah. People need to know that. So that nephew thinks he’s doing a favor. If he was to get pulled over by the cops, he could literally go to prison for three or five years.
Diane: [00:20:08] That’s what I’m saying. He had no idea. You know, people don’t think about these things.
Anthony Colandro: [00:20:16] No. No…
Diane: [00:20:17] He just knew he had these guns in the safety deposit box, but you know he’s not thinking…
Anthony Colandro: [00:20:24] Nobody’s thinkling with criminal intent. That’s the problem. Everybody’s thinking, “oh, I’m going to take these home and make them safe.
Diane: [00:20:29] Right.
Anthony Colandro: [00:20:30] But in fact, it’s the wrong thing to do. You’d be surprised people, again were talking to the world here… All the battles in Europe and World War I, World War II, Asia… You know we have the Korean War and everything. People have a lot of contraband at home, that a lot of countries have deemed the possession to be a felony. So you have to…
[00:20:49] Grandpa might have a nice collection of stuff in the basement that we all thought was cool when we were kids and now we possess it and now were felons. And you’d be surprised, listeners. How could it happen? Somebody tries to break into your house. You call the police to file a report. The police start looking around and they notice that trench knife on the coffee table in the basement. Whose is this? Mine. My grandfather left it to me…. Turn around or put your hands together.
Diane: [00:21:12] Oh my god.
Anthony Colandro: [00:21:12] That’s how things happen. Or you can have a fire in the house. The fire department responds, the police… They put it out. There looking around and they see six long guns leaning against the wall.
[00:21:23] “What is that?”.
[00:21:24] “Oh, my grandfather passed away three weeks ago and I took this out of his house.”.
[00:21:27] “Oh look at this one… It’s an M1 Carbine!” In New Jersey, that’s an assault rifle.
[00:21:32] “Turn around put your hands together.”
[00:21:34] So, you need to learn this. It’s a small investment to make up front. Again, use those angles with the elderly. We want to document family history. We want to document the inventory, to pass on to future generations.
[00:21:47] But we know what we’re really doing. We’re checking that they’re empty. We’re making them safe. We’re putting locks on them. We’re removing the contraband, a little bit at a time. Ammo or any other extraneous stuff.
[00:21:59] And then you can look up things and ask questions. Like, local gun stores or gun ranges… You can print out photos and walk in and say this good? Is this Legal? We do it all the time.
Diane: [00:22:14] And like we were talking about… If a parent dies or an uncle or an aunt, and you’re in the home, and then you find things. So the same thing. Call a Professional. Yeah, because you don’t know. A lot of people don’t know what is hiding.
Anthony Colandro: [00:22:27] If you have reputable gun stores or gun ranges in the neighborhood, they’re going to be “stand-up” because they’re not shady, because…
[00:22:34] Like I have my business. When people come in and we appraise firearms for them, we open the bluebook, we show them the three levels of pricing and then we make an offer to buy. Because I don’t want to take a 50,000 dollar gun from a little old lady for 500 dollars and she finds out three months later and it ruins our reputation. It’s not worth it.
[00:22:54] So, we’re straight-up honest with everybody. And most reputable businesses would do the same. And gun people we’re a tight fraternity. Were always willing to educate people.
Diane: [00:23:03] Which is what people need.
Anthony Colandro: [00:23:04] Correct. You’re not going to walk in and we’re going to make fun of you. We’re going to spend 20 minutes with you, and we’re going to explain to you what you have, what it is, what else you should look for… Like if you showed something to Charlie, he’d be like… “You have a holster for that too? Because it’s worth three times as much with the holster.”.
[00:23:21] And you’d be like… I Think I saw grandpa with a holster, when I was 30 years old. And you can go back and look for it. So, we would help in that situation.
Diane: [00:23:30] And even, I guess like you were saying,,, knives, things that we wouldn’t…
Anthony Colandro: [00:23:35] Knives that open out the front. Automatic switch blades. Brass Knuckles. Knifes with brass knuckles built into them… In New Jersey, those are all felonies to possess. So that stuff you just can’t transfer. Like you can’t just say, “Well Grandpa it from 1942 and now I’m going to keep it.”.
[00:23:53] Stuff like that has to be turned in or destroyed. Believe it or not… Which we’re destroying history. I would take it and donate it to a museum and they’d put your grandfather’s name on it… Graciously donated by John Smith or whatever. That’s always another angle, if you want to follow the letter of the law.
[00:24:07] Or you might, like in the United States, have a friend that you can send it to, out of state. Or if you have a vacation home in Florida, you can have an FFL ship it–a Federal Firearms Licensed dealer– ship it to another state for you, where you can legally possess that.
[00:24:22] Again, European countries and South America, I don’t know.
Diane: [00:24:25] Right. And here, in the US, every state is completely different.
Anthony Colandro: [00:24:30] Yes.
Diane: [00:24:31] Which is amazing.
Anthony Colandro: [00:24:31] We wouldn’t have this conversation if we were in Arizona or Alaska right now. You would just take the stuff and bring it over your house. And it would be done.
Diane: [00:24:39] And people… You know when you think about it, what if you live in Pennsylvania and your uncle’s in New Jersey, and then you find all these things… So, what happens then? Is it the laws in New Jersey and Pennsylvania?
Anthony Colandro: [00:24:54] It depends where the final destination is. Again, that is tricky. If grandpa lived in PA, chances are almost everything he owns isn’t legal in New Jersey. If it’s the other way around… Chances are you could.
[00:25:05] But, now, here you go. If you’re taking this stuff which is contraband in New Jersey and transporting it to Pennsylvania that entire transport time you’re a felony. If it’s not Jersey legal stuff. And don’t think you’re going to get a police escort in front of you… they’re gonna be Behind you.
[00:25:22] So, what you might want to do is… Like some stuff like that… A license federal firearms dealer,like myself, we can come with our license and take that stuff and ship it to a federal firearms dealer in Pennsylvania. And then you drive there and pick it up. That’s how you can legally get it from one state to another.
[00:25:40] So again. It’s not easy. It’s not easy. And many states have books, state firearms laws. New Hampshire has one. Florida. I saw Atlanta, not too long ago. New Jersey we have one, and that can answer your questions too.
[00:25:55] And you know, if you Google it and check the Internet, make sure the source is not just somebody posting. Make sure resources from a government agency or law enforcement agency–that’s giving you the direction. You don’t want to go on somebody’s opinion.
[00:26:08] Right. Right. You can easily do that on the Internet.
Anthony Colandro: [00:26:12] Sometimes the first hit is off a thread of a forum. And you’re like…OK. That’s what the law is. And then Sixty responses down a lawyer says that’s the wrong response. So, you know, you’ve got to be careful. The Internet is not always right.
Diane: [00:26:29] Right. Well, I always encourage Everybody, go to the experts. If you don’t know, go to the experts. And if you go to one person and they don’t know they’ll send you to someone else, Hopefully.
[00:26:43] So now, do you have any other tidbits of safety for us?
Anthony Colandro: [00:26:44] Make sure that your peephole cover is covered on the front door of the House. Because there’s a Reverse peephole viewer that someone can put up to the door and look right into your house. It’s available on Amazon.com for 20 dollars. Reverse Peephole viewer. Always tape or cover the inside of the peephole on your front and back door of your house.
Diane: [00:27:05] Thank you so much.
[00:27:08] I hope this episode helped you with something you may be dealing with at this moment. Please keep emailing your questions and comments, and share as much detail as you can. Because listeners, just like you, come here each week for insight and inspiration and your story can also help someone else. Please keep emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org. or just click the green button on our home page.
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[00:27:36] ANd I’d be so grateful if you’d share this episode with your family co-workers and friends. Episode 67.
[00:27:45] Parents Are Hard to Raise is a CounterThink Media production. The music used in this broadcast was managed by Cosmo Music, New York, New York.
[00:27:52] Our New York producer is Joshua Green. Our broadcast engineer is Well Gambino. And from Our London studios … the melodic voice of our announcer…Ms. Dolly D.
[00:28:05] Thank you so much for listening. And I look forward to reading ytour comments and can’t wait till we meet up again, on the next episode of Parents Are Hard To Raise. Till then…
[00:28:12] May you forget everything you don’t want to remember, and remember everything you don’t want to forget.
[00:28:21] See you again next week!